9 Valient Attempts by White People to do the Soulja Boy Dance

Relatively self-explanatory. As a matter of fact, the Soulja Boy dance may even qualify as something that white people like. Like making fun of people who, though comical, can probably dance better than you? Make your own mashup with Searchles Remash here.

Witches, Asylums & New Jersey...Oh My: 9 of the Most Haunted Places in the US

Ghost stories, haunted places, Joan Rivers' face - you know...things that scare you. You start hearing about the local lore and legends growing up. I will certainly never forget hearing about Satansville in Southeastern PA near the Delaware border where a supposed satanic cult worships and all the trees grow at a 90degree angle away from the satanic church near the road. Aaaand I may have been skeptical until I saw it myself - and screamed and did other appropriate scared sh*tless things. Good times. So keeping those fond memories in mind, I've done some research into some of the most notorious and talked-about haunted places in the US - well...generally the Eastern US. Have a look at the videos and read up below. Want to create your own top 10 video mashup? You can do so here.

Disclaimer: a vast amount of this information comes from Wikipedia - where all things are surely validated and true.



1. Mount Hope Cemetary - Rochester, NY. Built in the early 1800s, Mt. Hope Cemetary was the first municipal cemetary in the United States with graves older than the official graveyard itself. Pre-American Revolution Rochester residents reported strange lights and sounds coming from the hills well before it was a cemetary.

Such famous persons as Susan B. Anthony and Frederick Douglas are among those buried there in everything from lawn crypts and columbariums to family mausoleums. The victims of various tragic accidents and wars are buried here as well - most notably the mass grave of the 1901 orphanage fire. This place has had haunted action for centuries now - it's all certainly enough to give me the Heebeejeebees (sp?).

2. Waverly Hills Sanatorium - Louisville, KY. Aside from the fact that "Waverly Hills" just soounds like a haunted name and abandoned sanatoriums are creepy as all get out, this facility was closed in 1981 allegedly due to patient abuse. Awesome. Local stories abound of doors slamming, disembodied voices, lights coming on when there was no power to the building, and some even witnessed a hearse drive up and drop off coffins.

Even more disturbing is the "death tunnel" which transported dead bodies from the main building down to the railroad tracks at the bottom of the hill to ship them away - to god knows where. The shots in this video are from daylight....thankfully.

3. Valley Creek Road - Downingtown, PA. You'll notice a mid-Atlantic US regional bias in this list. Why? a) There's more recorded history in the original 13 colonies. b) I'm from there. Oh snap. I had heard of this place growing up. Old train tracks, creek, tunnels, a hanging suicide, another terrifying crime scene...hard times in America, huh. The guy's voice is kind of cheesy in this video but this place...it does not look pleasant.

4. The Bell Witch - Adams, TN. The Bell Witch actually served as a historical (or legendary) basis for the otherwise fabricated Blair Witch legend of Maryland and low-budget Hollywood (does one capitalize hollywood?) fame. The legend of the Bell Witch revolves around the Bell Family of early-19th century Adams, Tennessee - first manifested in an encounter with a strange animal on the property and leading to other fun things such as an invisible force assaulting the youngest daughter and strange afflictions suffered by patriarch John Bell before his death in 1820. The Witch supposedly returned to the property in 1935 when reports of strange activity again started to surface in the area. Wait, the Blair Witch wasn't real? WTF

5. The Jersey Devil - The Pine Barrens of Southern New Jersey. Yeah, new Jersey. Now the nation's armpit, originally one of the first-settled areas of the new colonies with one of the oldest legends. This one dates back to the 18th century when a certain Mrs. Leeds cursed her 13th-born child that it "may be a devil." Maybe it's this guy (note: NSFW). Anywho, let the Weird NJ folks take you through their investigation.

6. Lakeland Mental Asylum - Lakeland, KY. Kentucky and their asylums. This one has actually since been demolished and this video is a series of photos taken by thrill-seekers from before it was destroyed. I can't really track down any solid stories of hauntings but basically there's no way in hell from the messed up pictures of this abandoned place that some weird and hmmm...'not right' business went down. Too bad it's torn down - would've made a pretty mean stop on a haunted hayride.

7. The Lemp Mansion - St. Louis, MO. This mansion is famous for being one of the nation's most haunted buildings. Doors are said to open, shut, lock and unlock on their own. Apparitions of the Lemp family - four of which actually committed suicide within the walls of the mansion - have reportedly been seen. Cheery cheery story. Creepy, creepy mansion.

8. Funks Mill Road - Somewheresville, PA. Rather tragic story - happened at some point during the 1980s even. The house that is supposedly haunted burned down and the entire family died. What's creepier is that the father, having heard that his house was on fire and rushing home, lost control of his car on Funks Mill Road and also died. People who drive past it sometimes see a light coming from the remains of the house and a phantom car has been seen going out of control during winter months.

9. Eastern State Penitentiary - Philadelphia, PA. Quick note - Al Capone was held here. (read: badass) Built in 1829 and only officially closed in 1971, this prison was ran under the Pennsylvania system of constant solitary confinement and labor - criticized as cruel and inhumane. Reports of paranormal experiences began to trickle out from the inmates and guards in the 1940s. One of the first coming from Al Capone who believed himself haunted by James "Jimmy" Clark, one of the men murdered in the St. Valentine's Day Massacre. All your other typical signs of haunting are there as well - disembodied screams, footsteps, talking, whispers, laughter, crying. Good stuff. Can't imagine constant solitary confinement was too great for the mental well-being of the prisoners.

So there you have it. Places that scare the crap out of me. Send us a mashup of videos you can find that scare the crap out of you. Particularly good ones of Satansville, PA - not fully-referenced here because it actually scares the crap out of me that much.

9 Greatest Nerds on Film: "I'm a nerd, and uh, I'm pretty proud of it."

"Nerd", a stereotype of studious people with unique interests. First made famous by Jerry Lewis in The Nutty Professor - ultimately their official place in cultural history nailed down by Mr. Samuel "Screech" Powers in Saved by the Bell. Everywhere in between we find nerds that struggle, nerds that triumph, nerds with pride, nerds with hopes and dreams, boxes containing both watermelon and strawberry nerds... Here are the great nerds of entertainment's past and here's the link if you want to mashup your own vids.



1. Steve Urkel, Family Matters. The Urkel Dance episode - Urkel doing everything that makes him great and fabulously annoying...and the ladies, they love it. In other news, in what will go down as one of the best break-outs from nerd typecasting, Jaleel White ran a sports blog on NBA.com for a hot second in 2004. Sports, huh? Kudos to you, Stefan Urkelle.

2. Farmer Ted (Anthony Michael Hall), Sixteen Candles. Score another one for nerds near and far. Farmer Ted nailed the hot chick and doesn't even remember, won respect from ultimate studmuffin Jake Ryan, and got to touch Molly Ringwald's underwear all in one sitting. I'd like to thank John Hughes for making it all possible again and again.

3. Michael Bolton, Office Space. Because we've all been affected by "'PC Load Letter?" What the **** does that mean?' at one point or another...and we're huge fans of his music. We could no sooner pick a favorite MB song than a favorite star in the heavens.

4. Toby Radloff, Genuine Nerd. Pretty much the epitome of nerd pride and god bless him. He currently resides in Berea, Ohio and still likes cheese - who doesn't?

5. Weird Al Yankovic, White & Nerdy. Alfred Matthew Yankovic received his first accordion lesson a day before his seventh birthday and the rest, as they say, is history. This nerd has accomplished great hair, won three grammys, and endured criticism from Coolio. His street cred and nerd pride shot through the roof with White & Nerdy - after which "real" rapper Chamillionaire was quoted as saying "he's actually rapping pretty good on it, it's crazy. I didn't know he could rap like that" and neither did we.

6. Bill Nye (the Science Guy). Quite the scare back in 2000 where a prominent media outlet erroneously reported Bill Nye's death. Spank god it wasn't true. Bill Nye took on the great nerdly task of trying to educate America's tv-watching youth on important science topics, always respectable. Apparently he resurfaced recently in the public eye when he came out in favor of the reclassification of Pluto from a planet to a dwarf planet. A nerd would get worked up over that, huh.

7. Weinerdog's brother - Mark, Welcome to the Dollhouse. He plays clarinet in a garage band. He's pretty serious about college applications. He has a long distance relationship with a girl from summer camp.

8. Anthony Michael Hall...again, this time in Weird Science. Hacking into the US Gov't mainframe and using it to create a computer simulation of Kelly LeBrock? (1985 Kelly LeBrock, not 2005 Kelly LeBrock) Que impresivo, Farmer Ted.

9. The Lambda's, Revenge of the Nerds. The ultimate song - cementing Tri-Lams' place in nerd history and their impending reign in power over the Greek Council for the next year. "These nerds are threatening our way of life." You bet, champ. As the king of the nerds once said, "Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one."

9 Attempts by Hollywood to Convey Cultural Clashes/Understanding

We look to Hollywood as a reflection of real life - to show us the way as far as working through our cultural differences. To try to see situations from both sides. To not jump to conclusions or judge others based on different customs or ways of life. And other deep stuff like that. Like krumping. Here are nine profound instances of cultural clashes or moments of understanding - it's a bit 80s heavy but hey...trying times, my friend.



1. Airplane (1980) - I speak Jive. June Cleaver offers her services to bring understanding to a desperate situation.

2. Sixteen Candles (1984) - Long duc Dong & the forever studly Jake Ryan struggle to reach mutual understanding - though the Donger already shows signs of assimilation into American life by referencing an 'oily bo-hunk'.

3. Crocodile Dundee (1986) - That's a knife. Paul Hogan pushing the 'fish out of water' premise to new heights - cementing the Australian stereotype reeeal good. Probably the most famous part of the movie - or the part most likely to have been featured in 'I Love 1986!', whatever that means to you. Did perfectly folded bandana headbands in the 80s scream 'thug life' or what?

4. Talladega Nights (2006) - I play for keeps. Ricky Bobby and whatever Sasha Baron Cohen's name is in this dealio strike an unfriendly chord. And all he wanted to do was sign his cast and make out. I think this movie highly underutilized Sasha Baron Cohen.

5. Borat (2006) - Borat says enough for himself.

6. Bring it On: All or Nothing (2006) - Krumping. This is not Bring it On, this is not Bring it On Again, this is All or Nothing. Hayden Pannetierre (sp?) flexes her acting talents to play a *wait for it*...cheerleader, sent to the wrong side of the tracks and trying hard to fit in to this whole new world...of krumping.

7. Three Amigos (1986) - Gringos falling from the sky. Dusty Bottoms does his best to pull one by El Guapo with his keen understandings of the life of a bandito.

8. Perfect Strangers (Somewhere between 1986 and 1993) - Dance of Joy. Larry and Balki find common ground in Balki's dance from his home country, the I-think-made-up island of Mypos. On a related note, did you know Family Matters was apparently a Perfect Strangers spin-off? News to me.

9. Deliverance (1972) - Dueling Banjos. While it at first seems mutual understanding has been reached through a love music, things go decidedly downhill from here for Jon Voight, Burt Reynolds and the boys. Eeesh.

Any ideas for top 10 lists swimming around in that head of yours? Teeellll me about it. Or put together your own channel here. Or here. I just went to answer the doorbell for the mailman but knocked on it instead. I hope this doesn't put a strain on our relationship.

5 Pop Lovingly-Executed Pop Culture References to Amadeus

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Prolific composer, the Sultan of Salzberg, the Austrian ace, the Colossus of...generally a big huge deal - so it's no wonder that the pop culture references to this guy - and not even necessarily related to his musical stylings, which I hear were nice - pop up across the board.



1. Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. Not to be confused with their bogus journey, Bill S. Preston, Esq. and "Ted" Theodore Logan round up their historical buddies, take them to a contemporary shopping establishment, and hilaaaaarity ensues - Mozart all up in the synthesizer. Note: Joan of Arc cameo. Note note: ladies jumping in neon spandex.

2. Falco - Rock Me Amadeus. The only time Falco hit it big was when he ponied up on Mozart's fame - doomed to a life of VH1 Top One-Hit Wonders list...and not even at #1 (God bless you, Macarena).

3. Planet of the Apes, Simpsons style. So this may more or less count as a Falco reference but not even being in the top 20 of the One-Hit Wonders list means Falco doesn't get to have references - so we'll send this back to Mozart. Simpsons musical version of Planet of the Apes...this is actually how I was first introduced to Planet of the Apes...and Falco, watch it.

4. Biz Markie - Just a Friend. Showing great range in his influential reach, Amadeus even had his finger on the pulse of late 80s/early 90s rap sensations. Nothing harkens back to an "earlier time" like candelabras, even if you are out of tune...good on you, Biz Markie.

5. Monty Python - It's Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. I don't even find this skit particularly funny but John Cleese will always make a top 5 list by default. kgreatthanks.

And all Beethovan got was a lousy Charles Grodin movie. Unless you know of better Beethovan references in which case you should mash them up like so and send it my way.

UPDATE 04.29.2008: I've been notified by esteemed knower-of-all-things-Bill&Ted's, Mr. Austin Brey, that it is, in fact, Beethovan in Bill & Ted's excellent adventure. It's like it's amateur hour over here at Searchles Arbitrarily Judges Things. Those responsible have been sacked.

Celebrity Interviews...Celebrity Interviews on Drugs, 9 Most Memorable

I'm gonna have to start off here by saying that this list was inspired by James Brown's brilliance in clip #1. It doesn't even need embellishment by Eddie Murphy...and we're talking 1983 Eddie Murphy not Eddie Murphy of late, but I digress. Listen it's hard out there in the spotlight - not so easy facing those cameras. Sippin back on that liquid courage* or your other drug of choice might just seem like a fine idea. If you can find enough videos of Keith Richards being interviewed sober, mash'em up into a channel like so and send it our way.

*alcohol, as noted by father figure in the early teens birds'n'beez talk.



1. James Brown - the Godfather of Soul, The Hardest Working Man in Show Business, not gonna let domestic violence charges get him down. May he rest in peace and never enunciate.

2. Nirvana. Oh Nirvana...you had me at Bette Middler. You lost me at "vibes." You had me back at "well trees came before logs." So eco-conscious, even ahead of your time.

3. Danny Devito. Too many limoncellos with George Clooney the night before. Hell I'd get riproaring drunk if I had to deal with the Barbara Walters before noon.

4. Paula Abdul. The town drunk's idol.

5. Joe Namath. In his defense, he's at a football game...and he's Joe Namath. Anyway who wouldn't want to make out with that reporter.

6. Nicolas Sarkozy. It's the G8, nbd. As if French didn't already sound like drunk jibberish. Word his he's married to a babe.

7. The Pogues. The reporter is holding you up during your interview. The kicker, you're still probably going to get laid...you're a rock star. A rock star with dixie cup full o'gin.

8. Courtney Love. Courtney AND Kurt Cobain on one list! Kurt Loder manages himself with Seacrestian composure as he invites trainwreck Courtney up to crash Madonna's party. MTV couldn't even stage this brilliance if they tried...and they do try.

9. Keith Richards - I mean this is fairly tame for Keith Richards - many shades of Jack Sparrow's seen here - but the list...it would not be complete without him.

11 Best Summer Camp Movies...Most Loved By Those Who Didn't Get To Go

Summer camp - will there ever be the hormone-charged, activities-filled, no parents!, 'trip into the woods'-feeling again... Now I personally couldn't tell you what summer camp was actually like but if it was anything like the movies - what a dream, huh. Kicking off with Parent Trap back in the early60s and coming full circle with Wet Hot American Summer in 2001 - these movies are usually found on B-side movie-marathon tv channels on Sunday afternoons but you're always excited when it happens. Now if you can't tell, I enjoy hyphens and Searchles TV channels...make-your-own here and here.



1. Ernest Goes To Camp (1987). In his quest to become a full-fledged counselor, Ernest is - shockingly enough - assigned a set of misfits who at first mock him and resist his authority. He does however, begin to gain their respect as he defends the camp from an evil mining company out to buy their land. I get all worked up just thinking about it. In Weird Al's song "Callin in Sick Today", he mentioned that he can "spend all day in his underwear watching Ernest Goes to Camp"...for what that's worth...which is everything.

2. Meatballs (1979). It was a Canadian film - which works because of the high frequency of summer camps up there yonder - and Bill Murray's first movie. The rivalry with the camp across the lake, chasing the lady-counselors, Bill Murray, another popculture reference to a girl named Roxanne - all the signs of yesteryear are there.

3. Salute Your Shorts. A movie? No. I care not. They never told us what sort of punishment 'awful waffle' really was but they taught us for life that a giraffe's tongue...is black. Unlike other camp movies, I like how Bobby Budnick was more of a love-hate relationship than a full-fledged bully.

4. Sleepaway Camp (1983). Slasher films were in their heyday and what better place to kill people than in the woods. The film implies that the killer - a mixed identity boy who thinks he's his sister (?) - was driven to be a murderer because he/she found out his/her father was in a homosexual relationship. Yeah...puberty's a tough time.

5. Wet Hot American Summer (2001). Set on the last day of summer camp in 1981. This is the one that made me want to go to summer camp. Starring much of the cast from MTV's early90s sketch comedy show The State, it contains "lots of absurdism, non-sequiturs, and toilet humor." Oooh and training montages. Oh this one is fantastic.

6. Camp Nowhere (1994). This one pretty much had me at Andrew Keegan. Anywho, bunch of kids who hate going to summer camp (WTF???) hatch a plan to trick all the parents into sending them to a camp of their own design. They blackmail Christopher Lloyd into being their resident adult. He has not been heard from since. Oh and all I could find was a Brokeback Camp Nowhere clip. Enjoy.

7. Little Darlings (1980). Group of teenage girls heading to summer camp bet on which of the two of them will lose their virginity first. At the same time, the girls engage in typical teenager acts of fun, such as food fights and other activities. Both girls discover that "it" isn't what they thought it was. God I love wikipedia articles - such language, such wisdom...and other activities.

8. Troop Beverly Hills (1989). Yes, it's a Shelly Long movie and again, no...it's not about summer camp but I think a tale following the fate of "wilderness girls" counts. See them singing and selling cookies but kinda just throwing boxes into the roaring audience without collecting cash. Stupid hollywood with their inconsistencies. This one used to be on TBS a lot but has since disappeared and been replaced by the Bring it On Trilogy.

9. Canteen Boy (1993-94). Back in the Adam Sandler, Chris Farley, Mike Myers, so and on so forth days of SNL when Alec Baldwin was hosting every five minutes (no complaints here). Canteen Boy is a "naive, childlike assistant scoutmaster with an acute attention to detail who also likes Seaquest."

10. Heavyweights (1995). Mayhem and hijinks and ballyhoo at Camp Hope - a weight-loss camp for boys. I have not actually seen this one but the fact that many of the actors in Heavyweights also appeared in the Mighty Ducks films makes it awesome by default...plus the fact that the movie's content was "on the verge" of getting a PG-13 rating. Oh me oh my.

11. Parent Trap (1961). Aaaand the camp movie that started it all - like your heart doesn't melt when Susan and Sharon discover their true identities and subsequently sing Let's Get Together. This one got me as a summer camp lover and as a divorced child. I thought about putting the Lindsay Lohan remake in here instead but I just can't do it...ugh...Lohans.

Top 9 Most Seriously Serious Rap Battles

Well hello...this is what happens when Dumbfounder and myself get bored. We judge stuff and tell you about it here. Click through this Searchles TV channel to take the heart-pounding rap battle ride of your Tuesday morning.




1. Drillbit Taylor...I didn't see it. I don't plan on seeing it. But I think it's just precious the self-esteem a well-executed rap battle can give a highschooler and also when the kiddies born well after his death bust out with a "keep walking, I don't want to get shot like Tupac."

2. Top That...Teen Witch. Of all the questions I have of how this scene came to be - you know...the meeting the writers had that really locked it down as a "good idea", the choreography, etc - all I can actually wonder out loud is why Rhet is wearing a belly-shirt.

3. Extreme close-ups. I gotta give these guys some credit - their hearts were in it.

4. Sister Act 2. The Disney version of a "tough" schoolyard. Even if it's before Lauryn Hill got a case of the crazies...Whoopi still trumps all.

5. Scary Movie 3. Actually supposed to be a spoof which should have disqualified it from this list, but I have a soft spot for Fat Joe.

6. Ninja Turtles...Ninja Rap. Not an actual rap battle but Vanilla Ice is rapping and the Turtles are battling some belching, well-costumed miscreants. Plus this is the closest youtube comes thus far to a Vanilla Ice rap battle.

7. Again, self-esteem building through rap battling warms our hearts.

8. South Park. You Got Served dance-off. Okay so it's a dance-off. This is as close as mountaintown Colorado will get to a rap battle. You know they may not even be called rap battles in places where rap battles actually take place - that's how un-hip to rap battles I really am.

9. And the movie that gave us chills, brought forth an unlikely American hero, and taught us all to lose ourselves in the moment.

So what did we learn here today? That if I'm flipping through tv channels and see Sister Act 2 or Hannah Montana, I always stop and watch...and that you can create your very own Searchles TV channel @ here if you think you can Top That.